SAN ANTONIO – Samuel Gomez grew up in a community and culture where men were expected to act a certain way.
“We’re not emotional, we’re not supposed to express fear, we’re not supposed to express weakness, not to ask for help. The definition of machismo is my father,” he said.
Advocates say that passed-down version of masculinity can damage families and communities.
“When we don’t show our emotions, then they carry over and at some point just explode,” Gomez said.
Gomez is the Community Coordinator for the San Antonio Fatherhood Campaign, an organization that offers 33 classes a week to men who mainly come from trauma and want to break the cycle of violence.
Gomez said up to 95 of his classes are filled with men who experienced domestic violence as a child.
When he teaches them that they don’t have to be “machismo,” he says they almost always have the same reaction.
“It’s like, ‘That’s all I know, that’s how my dad raised me, that’s how my grandfather raised my dad.” It goes back four, five, even seven generations,” Gomez said.
That’s why a group of men nationwide created the organization NOMAS, the National Organization for Men Against Sexism.
“The main people that are in a position to help us solve it are the men. The men have to be a huge part of the solution,” said Patricia Castillo, the Executive Director of the P.E.A.C.E Initiative.
Castillo’s organization has been addressing domestic violence in San Antonio and South Texas for 40 years.
She is proud to be partnering with NOMAS to host a three-day free symposium in San Antonio to talk about these very issues.
It’s a big event with big goals.
She knows the current definition of masculinity will be incredibly hard to shift.
“It’s been since the beginning of time. Our attendees are going to walk away with a whole other world of knowledge, and they’re going to take it to their communities, to their families, to their friends,” Castillo said.
The lessons will challenge people to look inside.
“It’s a cultural shift. How can you be different? How can you speak differently? How can you act differently? How can you view your female partner as an equal? How can you model that behavior for your children?” Castillo said.
That, she said, is the only way to break the cycle and show children what healthy relationships look like.
“We want the men to be those role models for our boys. And the boys are starving for role models. What it means to be a boy, what it means to be male, what it means to be masculine,” Castillo said.
“So their kids don’t have to live in fear. So they can be happy and healthy, be strong and not be neglected,” Gomez said.
These organization leaders know creating stronger, more loving, more open families will break the cycle. However, they need every single community member to contribute to that change.
They say learning about these things and making the effort to change is not weak; it shows immense strength.
The three-day Father event is at the Neighborhood Place on 3114 Rivas St. in San Antonio.
Thursday will be a welcome celebration and meet and greet. Friday and Saturday will be full of classes, seminars, speakers, and breakout conversations.
All meals will be provided for free.
To register for the event, head to their webpage and sign up.
If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, there is so much help for you. KSAT has a
list of resources
on its
Domestic Violence webpage
, which also explains how to identify different types of abuse.
If it’s an emergency, text or call 911. For wrap-around services including the Battered Women and Children’s Shelter, call
Family Violence Prevention Services
at (210) 703-8810.
You can also contact the
Bexar County Family Justice Center
which also provides wrap-around services at (210) 631-0100.
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